I've been hot on getting some news from The Dark Knight Rises which is the poorly-named sequel to The Dark Knight and Batman Begins, so I was happy to learn today that Mr. Nolan has finally cast his new villains since we supposedly won't be seeing anymore of Two-Face or the Joker.
Tom Hardy as Bane:
Tom Hardy
I really don't remember Tom Hardy from anything besides Inception, although he seems to have garnished praise for his role in a movie called Bronson, and despite appearing in a few flicks I enjoyed like Black Hawk Down, Band of Brothers, and Layer Cake. Maybe he has a forgettable face, I dunno. I thought he did a hell of a job in Inception though, but he didn't look like a big bastard. The above shot from the movie Bronson however seems to match him perfectly to the man who breaks the Bat, BANE.
Bane kicking Batman's ass.
Look I'll be honest here and say that Bane annoys the shit out of me in the comics. I enjoyed the Knightfall series, but really, that came out when I was like 12 years old. Since then they've regurgitated the character over and over, and at one point he even reformed and teamed up to help Batman.
Gay.
"Schumacher smash franchise!"
But hey, it's Christopher Fucking Nolan. He earned that middle name, not by finally giving us a near-perfect origin story of Batman, but by following it up with a flawless sequel, which is mathematically impossible. And if that didn't do it, then a kick-ass movie like Inception seals the deal. So despite my hatred for Bane, I'm sure Mr. Nolan will think of something incredibly badass, and I'll probably be one of the first of many nerds to own a Bane action figure or something stupid like that.
Also, seeing as how the Scarecrow and the Joker were both more of your "psychological" villains, maybe the appearance of Bane means we'll see some serious brawling, which is always fun because that BaleBatman knows some mean fucking martial arts (like that double-fisted-head-butt thing he did to the Joker in Dark Knight. Awesome).
Anne Hathaway as Catwoman
Oh I would glaze her doughnut holes...
You can't really like Batman without liking Catwoman, seeing as she's really more of a sidekick than anything else. It's cosmic with these two...they're meant to be together despite their different paths in life. It's fucking Shakespearean.
You know they screw while wearing those...and you know it's hawt.
"I'm sorry! It'll wash out!"
So it goes without saying that my problem with this one isn't Catwoman. I was actually rooting for a Nolan version of her this time around, so that's great and-----
wait...holy shit I never knew Julie Newmar had such a rocking ass. Mother of God that woman was built like an executive shithouse! That's a perfect ass!
My problem with this one is Anne Hathaway. She just absolutely annoys the living fuck out of me. There's not a single movie she's in that I like. Get Smart was decent, but forgettable. Plus I made the mistake of reading an Entertainment Weekly interview with her and that douchetool Jake Gyllenhaal while they were filming Love and Other Drugs. She's one of these broads who convinces herself that getting nude and screwed on-screen is artistic and completely non-sexual, which is the dumbest goddamn thing I've ever heard anyone say. I understand that acting is a form of art. And I understand that nudity isn't necessarily sexual.
Me has studied film and theatre b4.
But if you take your clothes off and simulate getting plowed then you have also entered the realm of eroticism, which is a distant neighbor to porn, which shares an apartment with smut, who is the son of snuff-films although they're estranged and don't talk much.
Okay that's a stretch...but the chick is annoying as hell. And it probably didn't help that Gyllenhaal was part of the interview, because anytime he opens his mouth stupid spills out all over the fucking place. Yes yes, you were in Donnie Darko and nobody "gets it". Congratulations.
Regardless of that however, the more I see of this broad, the more I realize she's probably the closest living embodiment of Selina Kyle (Catwoman) there is. In Hollywood, at least.
Sensual. Check.
Giant fucking almond eyes. Check.
Side-boob. Check.
Subtext which represents a true spirit of resilience and----boobs....
Sweet Seven-Eleven that woman is hawt. I'm not sure why but in my mind's eye I always pictured her as the typical flat-chested, built-like-a-12-year-old-boy Hollywood actress but apparently this woman is blessed in all of the right places. She will undoubtedly look incredible in a catsuit. Hell, I will probably Netflix Love and Other Drugs now, just to rub one out when the girlfriend isn't available.
So there we have it. The villains are in-place, and The Dark Knight Rises starts shooting this May in Detroit (which will look perfectly grungy and..."Detroit-y"). I believe the entire cast is returning, even Morgan Freeman, and the release date is set for July 20th, 2012.
So "The Luckiest Man in Hollywood" goes on The Ellen Show the other day and----
Hmm?
Why, Seth Rogen of course.
Yeah yeah yeah, he's a pretty good writer. Doesn't mean he should act in the stuff he writes. Tarantino's a genius but that doesn't mean he should've played Richie Gecko.
So anyway, instead of plugging his new movie The Green Hornet, Rogen chose to devote a large part of his trip to The Ellen Show towards making fun of George Lucas, which is an activity that in many circles has replaced talking politics, asking about one another's day, movie night, and yes---even plugging a multi-million dollar trainwreck of a movie. It's a fucking blast, because the plaid-clad retard makes himself a very easy target, yet it's not "evil" like picking on a real retard because the bastard's rich, and he genuinely believes he is still the genius he was in 1982.
"The next Indy should take place in space...."
That's what makes it fun. It's kinda the same principle that makes it fun to see Aaron Rodgers get his head taken off.
So apparently Rogen was at a meeting of Hollywood big-wigs recently, and got the chance to sit down with both George Lucas and Steven Spielberg---which 25 years ago would've made me splooge in my pants, but today would prompt me to toss more questions than praise:
"What kind of drugs did you have Ford on when he agreed to Crystal Skull?"
Long story short, Lucas spends the entire time of their visit talking about how the world will end in 2012. According to Rogen, the man truly believes this beyond the shadow of a doubt:
“George Lucas sits down and seriously proceeds to talk for around 25 minutes about how he thinks the world is gonna end in the year 2012, like, for real. He thinks it. He’s going on about the tectonic plates and all the time Spielberg is, like, rolling his eyes, like, ’My nerdy friend won’t shut up, I’m sorry'… I first thought he (Lucas) was joking… and then I totally realized he was serious and then I started thinking, ’If you’re George Lucas and you actually think the world is gonna end in a year, there’s no way you haven’t built a spaceship for yourself… So I asked him… ’Can I have a seat on it?’ He claimed he didn’t have a spaceship, but there’s no doubt there’s a Millennium Falcon in a garage somewhere with a pilot just waiting to go… It’s gonna be him and Steven Spielberg and I’ll be blown up like the rest of us.”
Now when The Bearded One heard this...it was actually a bit of a relief. After all, this finally explains just what exactly has happened to Star Wars.
Why the Prequel Trilogy's plot made zero sense.
Why the Prequels felt rushed and the stories conflicted with everything else he had ever established.
Why we have idiot hack writers in the "Expanded Universe" being granted permission to throw anything they want into the Star Wars timeline and have it deemed as "canon" by The Plaided One.
"Even non-Nazis agree: I should be burned!"
Why shitty video games are being given the permission to completely rewrite the origins of the original Star Wars movies by having some douchebag hack character start the Rebel Alliance, and by having the same douchebag hack move Star Destroyers with his Jedi powers when it took Yoda everything he had to lift a fucking X-Wing out of the mud in Empire.
"The green bar shows how much I suck."
And why we have a shitty animated series on Cartoon Network attempting to provide all of the action and excitement that the new films failed to offer....
It's more than obvious now that Lucas has been rushing all of thisshit out, ready or not, since 1999 because he plans on milking Star Wars for everything it's worth and then bailing off of it and into the confines of his Biblical ark, or spaceship, or bunker, or douche-dome, or whatever at the very last second before the entire world's population is destroyed in 2012, and then presumably there will be no one left standing around to point at this contrived abortion called Star Wars and ask him,
"What'd you DO, Richard?"
And not only does this anecdote provide another interesting argument for the case that "after great wealth and power always comes insanity," but it finally explains why the bastard chose to take something he was once so passionate about, yank it's pants down, and then sodomize it violently in front of God and everyone.
As if this generation of kids would admire a public sodomizing as much as my generation admired the Original Star Wars Trilogy.
(P.S.---they don't.)
The intriguing thing about the 2012 Doomsday Theory is that none of us will really know until 2013 whether or not it was true. But let's say the vast and more sane majority of us are right, and we all survive......
At the very least, I will expect a fucking apology from George Lucas.
When Sony announced they were shit-canning Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire and giving the Spider-Man series a reboot, a great many nerds everywhere cried out in terror...and then were suddenly silenced (yes, like the people of Alderaan. Very good.).
The Bearded One was happy, however. Look, the first one was pretty good for the time, considering I never thought Spider-Man could be translated to the screen in a somewhat believable and entertaining way. But the critically-adored Spider-Man 2 was a fucking trainwreck of huggy-feely wah wah wah my pussy hurts and such. And Spider-Man 3 has endured enough punishment so I'll let that one speak for itself.
So I for one was glad to hear they were starting over. I mean, I'll take Batman any day over a nerd with web-shooters, but in general I enjoy comic book movies. But I never liked Maguire that much. The guy gives me douche-chills.
And Kirsten Dunst? She ain't a bad actress. But I don't know how we went from this:
By the amazing J.Scott Campbell
To this:
"I smell like cabbage."
So it was good to hear the series was getting a fresh start. We get another shot at Venom. We get another less "Robin Hood-y" version of The Sandman. We get a less chubby version of Doctor Octopus. And as much as I like Willem Dafoe and prefer the first movie over the others...we get another shot at Green Goblin.
That's a fucking Power Ranger.
But then, they announced that Andrew Garfield guy would be playing Spider-Man:
"Boys are yummy!"
And I figured it was all over. Apparently they were opting on a "Twilight vibe" with Spider-Man. It was bad enough that Tobey Maguire cried all of the fucking time as Peter Parker, and now you get a chance to take it all back, to make Spider-Man kinda cool again, and you go off and--------
Garfield as Spider-Man
Whoa, what the fuck is this? The suit...it's all ribbed, and dynamic, and doesn't have that shitty raised silver webbing on it, and fuck me it looks pretty badass. And that Garfield guy is kinda beat-up and looks pissed and the shot is all dark and...
Holy shit this looks kinda cool.
Even better? The Bearded One's current "nerd crush" will be starring as Gwen Stacy. The one...the only...Emma Stone (have my bearded babies, Emma).
Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy
This of course means, that we're already getting off to a good start by having Gwen Stacy as Peter Parker's first and original love interest. And with a fantastic actress like Stone, there's a good chance of some serious emotional attachment to her character, which will no doubt leave the audience traumatized if and when (40-year old SPOILER ALERT!) the Green Goblin kills her.
So I stand corrected about this one...until it releases, anyway. Looks like we may finally get the "ultimate" Spider-Man movie.
Now look, if you really need The Bearded One to tell you that McDonald's is bad for you, then you're far beyond helping as it is, and are probably already terribly obese. If not, then you're somewhat dumb, and luckily enough to have a kicking metabolism---but your insides are probably more rotten than the mind of John Waters.
"That was funny, you fucking whore!"
Basically, I'm not going to waste your time telling you shit that you already know. However, I ran across this pic on the web today and couldn't resist sharing it:
That pink pasty substance which appears to be a yummy bubblegum-flavored toothpaste is in-fact "mechanically-separated chicken". This gooey goodness is used to make many different things called "chicken" in the food industry, but most notably:
Chicken McPasties
AND:
Mmmmm-MMMM!
As stated in the preface, I always knew this shit was bad for you...and that what we perceived to be "chicken" wasn't always exactly "chicken", but I honestly had no idea that the rabbit-hole went this disgustingly deep.
To make matters worse, that pink goo is crawling with bacteria so their answer to that is soaking the substance in ammonia.
All clean!
One problem with all of that ammonia though---it makes the pink goo taste terrible. Probably like cat piss.
The solution? Simple. Artificial chicken flavoring!
"My ovaries are dead!"
But wait---at this point it's bacteria-free, it tastes great...but our pink gooey substance is still "pink".
An equally scary "Pink".
Oh no sweat. They just color it white so that it looks like chicken again.
"They all float down here!...be--because they're fat."
Now, if you're wondering "what the fuck is mechanically-separated chicken?"...then I'm glad you asked. (Oh you didn't? Just shut up and listen).
MRM (mechanically recovered meat) is made by using high-pressure air channels to separate the bone from the rest of the meat by blowing the carcass against a strainer, or sieve. Basically it's something Arnold Schwarzenegger would've done to one of the bad guys in an 80's movie...only afterward Arnold would've said something awesome like,
"You shouldn't strain yourself..."
OR,
"Well, that's one way to 'vent'..."
But then suddenly,
"I'm natta cheek-een! Geet me oudda heya!"
If you want to read the source story of the mechanically-separated goo click here. If you want to learn more about MRM and products that use MRM, then use Google because I'm not your bitch and I have other stuff to do right now.
Steadfast, fellow nerds.
Now go have a salad (with a shitload of dressing on it because if you're like me you have a gag-reflex with lettuce).
In the scheme of things, the news of late is probably really nothing new. Death and suffering pay the bills for the world's media leeches, and so therefore death and suffering is usually the only thing they have pictures of on their metaphorical restaurant menu.
One cannot deny though that the world news has recently been a bit more than "odd". In fact it's downright, "the shit that end-times prophecies are made of".
What started with 5,000 dead red-wing birds in Arkansas on New Years day (eerily enough), continued with dead birds dropping in several other parts of the US, and most recently, in California (this is still happening as we speak).
Then came the rest world. Reports have come in now of random bird deaths in Sweden, Britain, Japan, Thailand, Brazil, and more recently in Italy.
"Whatta de' hell?"
Add to this the accompanying unexplainable deaths of fish all over the globe, and you have the perfect preface to a Biblical prophecy of doom---or a really bad-ass post-apocalyptic movie (depending on how optimistic you choose to be).
Then there's that business of an "instant tsunami" hitting Australia yesterday and wrecking their shit real good by submerging a large city underwater. I don't know what the fuck an "instant tsunami" really is, but it's safe to say it isn't a commonplace thing, and it didn't sound like it was very friendly, either.
"In a goddamn jar!"
And if all of this weren't enough, we have news in today about the Hubble Telescope discovering a "mysterious giant green blob in outer space that is strangely alive".
"Ennnterpriiiise....."
This thing was first discovered by a Dutch school teacher, not by the idiots we're paying billions of dollars to annually to be on the lookout for this type of thing. Apparently parts of this green blob are collapsing and somehow "creating stars" as a result.
Sounds fan-fucking-tastic...and in no way threatening.
So like the title says, I'm officially placing a wanted-ad today:
WANTED: Loyal dog & shoulder-pads
I'll be seeing you on the deserted highways of No Man's Land soon my friends...
Number 465 on the list of "Things That Make Jesus Cry" shouldn't have come as a surprise to me, considering the porn world has spoofed just about everything these days.
Weird too, how despite the fact that the pornography industry brings in a larger annual revenue than Microsoft, Google, Amazon, Ebay, Yahoo, Apple and Netlflix combined, their production values are still shit.
Considering that almost all of Hollywood's A-list talent do commercials overseas for side-change, you think with that kind of revenue someone could afford to put Daniel Day Lewis getting a "Cleveland-steamer" from Kate Winslet in a movie...but then that would just be gross.
(awkward pause)
(Get Gemma Aterton, and then we'll talk.)
(Seriously...have you seen that broad? Holy shit.)
If you've been keeping up with The Bearded One at all, then you know I was more than a little relieved to give 2010 the boot, and to welcome the warm embrace of 2011. It occurred to me though, that perhaps not all of you had a horrible time in 2010. Perhaps not all of you had financial woes. Perhaps not all of you had your asses kicked by your girlfriend because you brought home herpes (twice!). Perhaps not all of you had to learn the hard way how to dissolve a dead hooker's body in a bathtub of sulfuric acid and lime.
Perhaps I've said too much.
Here are a few reasons then, for the rest of you, why 2011 will ROCK YOUR BALLS OFF!
(in no particular order)
(aaaannnnd if you don't actually have balls you can hopefully appreciate the sentiment as a mere metaphor)
3-25-11 - Sucker Punch
Zack Snyder, the guy who brought us Dawn of the Dead, 300, and The Watchmen directs this trippy action/sci-fi/adventure/dramatic flick about---well look I don't really know what the fuck it's about, but all I really need to know is that there are some incredibly sexy women dressed like sluts kicking serious ass...
giant robot...
fighter planes...
dragon...
*(splooge!).
(clean that shit up)
(you disgust me)
4-17-2011 - Game of Thrones (HBO)
Look, I could never get into fantasy literature. I apologize to the nerd-half of me for that. I read a lot of Robert E. Howard's stuff, merely because I have a strange man-crush on Conan and because I've always been fascinated with the legacy of Howard himself, but for the most part fantasy literature is just...well it's just....
It's juuuust soooo goddamn neeeerdy.
Regardless, I'm familiar enough with nerddom to know that "A Game of Thrones" was big shit in that particular genre of literature, and everyone wanted to see movies made of course, but the problem with ever seeing a film adaption of the story was obviously due to the scope of the project, considering that Thrones is the first of a 7 book series, and Hollywood just barely managed to finish that 3-part Narnia fiasco.
Not to mention, I also understand that the books are notorious for being extremely violent, and often raunchy.
So who else I ask you, could ever possibly bring a story of that magnitude to the screen in a somewhat faithful manner?
HBO, of course. They've got your violence and tits covered. Add in that they can shoot a "15 hour long movie" and call it "Season One", then it's a done deal, folks. And hopefully all of the fantasy nerds will forgive me for my broad generalization here (and while we're at it, I just rolled a "8" so my Warrior just struck your Orc with a....fuck it), but if we're looking at anything remotely cool as say,
"Deadwood meets Lord of the Rings!" or,
"If The Sopranos fucked Excalibur and they had a kid!", then I'm all-in, baby.
Essentially, I'm a big fan of the sword & sorcery shit, so if you bring me an hour of that weekly, with virtually no limit on the amount of violence, nudity or budget...then I'll loyally watch.
5-20-11 - Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
The weakest-link of the series has been removed (hello, Orlando) and Captain Jack is back. Throw in the return of Captain Barbossa, the sexy as fuck Penelope Cruz, and the amazing Ian McShane as Blackbeard, and we're bound to have an awe-inspiring nerdfest---and realistically, probably the best movie of the summer.
5-26-11 - The Hangover 2
Quit being that pretentious prick who doesn't like it because everyone else does. Yes, it's kind of weird that even the really stupid people you know on Facebook like The Hangover as well, but get the fuck over yourself and appreciate the fact that something good actually got some credit for being good for a change.
Come on, man...Bill Clinton and Liam Neeson have cameos in it. This could be absurdly epic.
7-1-11 - Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Naw, I'm just kidding. This will blow.
(Oh man, you shoulda' seen your face...)
7-22-11 - Captain America: The First Avenger
Alright before you say anything, just stop. STOP! I know it sounds gay. And although I'm a fan of comics, I'm not sure if I ever believed they would be capable of bringing Captain America to the screen and make it worth a fuck. But you've seen the shots, right?
Okay, okay so I know that director Joe Johnston isn't exactly---what? He directed The Pagemaster?
Alright but The Wolfman wasn't actually so terrible, despite what people---fuck me, he directed Jurassic Park 3?
Alright well he also did The Rocketeer, which wasn't necessarily a "good" movie, but it definitely has that Golden Era feel about it that you need to---okay Hidalgo? Are you fucking serious?
Hmm.
Okay, but they hired Rick Heinrichs as the production designer. The guy has produced more iconic imagery as a production designer than that hack Stanley Kubrick ever did as a director.
I'm a huge fan of the original Fright Night, so obviously when I heard they were remaking it I did the typical "outraged nerd" thing and wrote letters, started "official" Facebook pages, and kidnapped the children of Hollywood producers who were funding the project. The more I'm hearing about it though, the more I'm actually anticipating it.
So.....I gave the kids back (but NOT without their fair share of cigarette burns!).
The role of Charlie, the kid who discovers his new neighbor is a vampire, will now be played by Anton Yelchin. Now you think you don't know who the fuck that is, but he's the kid who played Chekov in the new Star Trek, and he played Young Kyle Reese in Terminator Salvation. The little Russian bastard's a damn fine actor, so that's one in the + column.
Jerry Dandridge, the creepy fucking womanizing douchebag vampire who torments Charlie because he knows he knows, but he knows he can keep everyone else around Charlie from believing what he actually knows, will be played by Colin Farrell. I honestly didn't know how to react when I first heard this, but now somehow I absolutely see him pulling this off.
My favorite character in the film, Peter Vincent, will be played by that Doctor Who guy, David Tennant. I'm not sure about this one, since Peter Vincent was basically supposed to be Vincent Price. I'm not sure how a younger dude will work in this role, but I'm open to the idea. He has that certainly clumsy British quality to pull something like this off.
And finally, the part of Evil Ed, the best friend of Charlie who gets turned into a vampire early on, and becomes a fantastic foil character with creepy/comedic moments throughout, will be played by none other than "McLovin"---Christopher Mintz-Plasse.
I have a feeling that if everything else about this movie fails, McLovin' as Evil Ed will be fucking epic.
Fall 2011 - Batman: Arkham City (PS3/Xbox 360)
I was like everyone else when Batman: Arkham Asylum came out, and to tell you "how I was" I will use the following transcript from "A Totally Gnarly Dude I Know".
"He was all like, 'no fucking way, dude! Batman games are never good, dude. The last good one was like, that old Animated Series game on Super Nintendo.
(laughs)
Damn that was a long fucking time ago.'
So anyway, he actually played it finally, and he was all like, 'Holy shit dude this is fucking awesome!'"
-A Totally Gnarly Dude I Know
Needless to say, I was impressed with Batman: Arkham Asylum, and to hear that this time around the environments are larger, the villains are broader, and we're racing to save Catwoman?
Dude.
"Duuuude!"
Dude, I know.
(various dates) - Hot Toys 12" Action Figure Goodness
If you aren't familiar with the company out of China called Hot Toys, but you are however interested in the nerd-realm of action figures and the like, be very cautious when leaving this page to Google them. Their products, if not prepared for what you will see, can be earth-shattering.
Forget it, I'll show you some of what's coming. Just....take it easy, alright?
Alice from Resident Evil Afterlife
Movie Thor
These are not merely "action figures", but incredibly life-like replicas of people---typically characters from nerd-favorite films---with unbelievable attention to detail for such a small scale. The 12" bodies have almost the same amount of articulation as a real human, the clothing is authentic down to the laces on their shoes, the weapons have moveable parts, etc, etc, etc.
In late December Hot Toys announced they would be producing figures from Raiders of the Lost Ark, Pirates of the Caribbean 4, Batman (1989), Superman (1979), and Sucker Punch. Several other licenses were mentioned, and there are undoubtedly more to come, but those are plenty noteworthy. I plan on performing my first purse snatching to fund these (keep that between us).
10-14-2011 - The Thing Prequel
John Carpenter's 1982 film The Thing is easily one of the Top 20 greatest movies ever made. There. I said it.
And if you wanna narrow that to "horror films", I would confidently say it's in the Top 5.
Sci-Fi? Probably Top 3, but that requires more thought than I had planned on.
That being said, you're probably shocked that this remake/reboot/prequel would even make it on my 2011 Rock Your Balls Off list. The reason is---
Hang on, seriously. I mean really, if you haven't watched The Thing in a long time, or God forbid ever, just stop what you're doing and rent it or buy it or steal it. It's creepy how well that movie has held up over the years. It's just that fucking good. Really.
Anyway, the reason The Bearded Nerd is actually both anticipating and greatly appreciative of this new version?
It's not a remake.
Thank you, Bearded Nerd Jesus.
Instead, it's a prequel set in the Norwegian camp---the same guys who originally came in contact with "the thing".
Essentially, this movie should end where the 1982 version began, with the Norwegian dudes shooting at the infected dog from a helicopter. That's actually pretty fucking brilliant. Other great news?
1.) This film has the blessings of John Carpenter himself (he also signed-off on a remake of They Live to the same director, which is a good movie that actually does needs a remake).
2.) They're minimizing CGI in favor of animatronic effects to attempt a more seamless transition between the two films.
3.) It will definitely be rated R.
4.) They're keeping the original Ennio Morricone score (granted this didn't bode well for Superman Returns, but we'll see).
For people like The Bearded One, it's often tough to find a game you can actually enjoy. I'm not a big fan of FPS's like Call of Duty. Real-time-strategies like Civilization confuse and bore the holy hell right outta me. Racing is hackneyed and gay. And most role-playing games are either cheesy and lame, or boring and dry.
So granted, there are only a few games which have come along and basically caused me to become so invested in them that my real existence suffered greatly. For instance, I lost my wife because of Grand Theft Auto IV. My infant children almost starved to death when the first HALO came along. And I almost ran out and bought a full suit of armor with a real sword, therefore guaranteeing I would never again feel the warmth of a woman when The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind came out.
Since then, The Elder Scrolls series has given us Oblivion, which was pretty good, but no match for Morrowind. The Oblivion Gates and combat system took a lot away from it, but here's hoping the nerds at Bethesda get this one right.
And I'm sure they will.
If that's not enough, this game will center around my favorite race of characters in the game: the Nords.
Time to drink a flask of mead and feast at the throne of nerddom!
11-1-11 - Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception (PS3)
I finally broke down and bought a PS3 just months before Uncharted 2 was released, namely because they were on sale and because I was on my third Xbox 360 which was in-turn, apparently on it's last-leg. Considering that the PS3 doesn't have many exclusive titles to choose from, I ran out and bought the first Uncharted game, and from that moment on I've been hooked.
The guys who make these games, Naughty Dog, are almost taunting the losers at LucasArts by showing them how to make the perfect adventure game for a character like Indiana Jones, without using Indiana Jones at all. Instead they created a whole new world of rich characters and intriguing stories, and therefore left the douchebags at LucasArts holding a leaky bag of tricks full of nothing but more Force Unleashed abortions.
Uncharted 1 & 2 are easily in the top 5 greatest games ever made, and it doesn't look like they plan on disappointing with the third one by doing something incredibly stupid like...oh, say...HALO 2, or everything Hideo Kojima has done after Metal Gear Solid.
(all year) - The Cape (NBC)
Hahaha no, I'm just kidding again.
10 days into 2011 and we already know this show is a clothes-hanger abortion in the backseat of a stolen El Camino.
So that's it fellow nerds (bearded and non-bearded alike). At least, that's what is on my radar at the moment. And yeah I know I forgot that fucking Thor movie, but honestly, as much as I want that to be awesome, I'm very worried that it will suck as bad as the trailers are trying to tell us it will suck without coming right out and saying, "hey I suck".
