"Batman 3" Gets Some Villains....

I've been hot on getting some news from The Dark Knight Rises which is the poorly-named sequel to The Dark Knight and Batman Begins, so I was happy to learn today that Mr. Nolan has finally cast his new villains since we supposedly won't be seeing anymore of Two-Face or the Joker.


Tom Hardy as Bane:

Tom Hardy

I really don't remember Tom Hardy from anything besides Inception, although he seems to have garnished praise for his role in a movie called Bronson, and despite appearing in a few flicks I enjoyed like Black Hawk Down, Band of Brothers, and Layer Cake.  Maybe he has a forgettable face, I dunno.  I thought he did a hell of a job in Inception though, but he didn't look like a big bastard.  The above shot from the movie Bronson however seems to match him perfectly to the man who breaks the Bat, BANE.

Bane kicking Batman's ass.

Look I'll be honest here and say that Bane annoys the shit out of me in the comics.  I enjoyed the Knightfall series, but really, that came out when I was like 12 years old.  Since then they've regurgitated the character over and over, and at one point he even reformed and teamed up to help Batman.

Gay.

"Schumacher smash franchise!"

But hey, it's Christopher Fucking Nolan.  He earned that middle name, not by finally giving us a near-perfect origin story of Batman, but by following it up with a flawless sequel, which is mathematically impossible.  And if that didn't do it, then a kick-ass movie like Inception seals the deal.  So despite my hatred for Bane, I'm sure Mr. Nolan will think of something incredibly badass, and I'll probably be one of the first of many nerds to own a Bane action figure or something stupid like that.

Also, seeing as how the Scarecrow and the Joker were both more of your "psychological" villains, maybe the appearance of Bane means we'll see some serious brawling, which is always fun because that BaleBatman knows some mean fucking martial arts (like that double-fisted-head-butt thing he did to the Joker in Dark Knight.  Awesome).


Anne Hathaway as Catwoman

Oh I would glaze her doughnut holes...

You can't really like Batman without liking Catwoman, seeing as she's really more of a sidekick than anything else.  It's cosmic with these two...they're meant to be together despite their different paths in life.  It's fucking Shakespearean. 

You know they screw while wearing those...and you know it's hawt.

"I'm sorry!  It'll wash out!"

So it goes without saying that my problem with this one isn't Catwoman.  I was actually rooting for a Nolan version of her this time around, so that's great and-----

wait...holy shit I never knew Julie Newmar had such a rocking ass.  Mother of God that woman was built like an executive shithouse!  That's a perfect ass!

My problem with this one is Anne Hathaway.  She just absolutely annoys the living fuck out of me.  There's not a single movie she's in that I like.  Get Smart was decent, but forgettable.  Plus I made the mistake of reading an Entertainment Weekly interview with her and that douchetool Jake Gyllenhaal while they were filming Love and Other Drugs.  She's one of these broads who convinces herself that getting nude and screwed on-screen is artistic and completely non-sexual, which is the dumbest goddamn thing I've ever heard anyone say.  I understand that acting is a form of art.  And I understand that nudity isn't necessarily sexual. 

Me has studied film and theatre b4.

But if you take your clothes off and simulate getting plowed then you have also entered the realm of eroticism, which is a distant neighbor to porn, which shares an apartment with smut, who is the son of snuff-films although they're estranged and don't talk much.

Okay that's a stretch...but the chick is annoying as hell.  And it probably didn't help that Gyllenhaal was part of the interview, because anytime he opens his mouth stupid spills out all over the fucking place.  Yes yes, you were in Donnie Darko and nobody "gets it".  Congratulations. 

Regardless of that however, the more I see of this broad, the more I realize she's probably the closest living embodiment of Selina Kyle (Catwoman) there is.  In Hollywood, at least. 

Sensual.  Check.

Giant fucking almond eyes.  Check.

Side-boob.  Check.

Subtext which represents a true spirit of resilience and----boobs....

Sweet Seven-Eleven that woman is hawt.  I'm not sure why but in my mind's eye I always pictured her as the typical flat-chested, built-like-a-12-year-old-boy Hollywood actress but apparently this woman is blessed in all of the right places.  She will undoubtedly look incredible in a catsuit.  Hell, I will probably Netflix Love and Other Drugs now, just to rub one out when the girlfriend isn't available. 

So there we have it.  The villains are in-place, and The Dark Knight Rises starts shooting this May in Detroit (which will look perfectly grungy and..."Detroit-y").  I believe the entire cast is returning, even Morgan Freeman, and the release date is set for July 20th, 2012.

I just peed a little.