Mechanically-Separated Clowns

Now look, if you really need The Bearded One to tell you that McDonald's is bad for you, then you're far beyond helping as it is, and are probably already terribly obese.  If not, then you're somewhat dumb, and luckily enough to have a kicking metabolism---but your insides are probably more rotten than the mind of John Waters. 

"That was funny, you fucking whore!"

Basically, I'm not going to waste your time telling you shit that you already know.  However, I ran across this pic on the web today and couldn't resist sharing it:

 

That pink pasty substance which appears to be a yummy bubblegum-flavored toothpaste is in-fact "mechanically-separated chicken".  This gooey goodness is used to make many different things called "chicken" in the food industry, but most notably:

Chicken McPasties

AND:

Mmmmm-MMMM!

As stated in the preface, I always knew this shit was bad for you...and that what we perceived to be "chicken" wasn't always exactly "chicken", but I honestly had no idea that the rabbit-hole went this disgustingly deep.

To make matters worse, that pink goo is crawling with bacteria so their answer to that is soaking the substance in ammonia.  

All clean!

One problem with all of that ammonia though---it makes the pink goo taste terrible.  Probably like cat piss.

The solution?  Simple.  Artificial chicken flavoring!

"My ovaries are dead!"

 But wait---at this point it's bacteria-free, it tastes great...but our pink gooey substance is still "pink".

An equally scary "Pink".

Oh no sweat.  They just color it white so that it looks like chicken again. 

"They all float down here!...be--because they're fat."

Now, if you're wondering "what the fuck is mechanically-separated chicken?"...then I'm glad you asked.  (Oh you didn't?  Just shut up and listen).

MRM (mechanically recovered meat) is made by using high-pressure air channels to separate the bone from the rest of the meat by blowing the carcass against a strainer, or sieve.  Basically it's something Arnold Schwarzenegger would've done to one of the bad guys in an 80's movie...only afterward Arnold would've said something awesome like,

"You shouldn't strain yourself..."

OR,

"Well, that's one way to 'vent'..."

But then suddenly,

"I'm natta cheek-een!  Geet me oudda heya!"

If you want to read the source story of the mechanically-separated goo click here.  If you want to learn more about MRM and products that use MRM, then use Google because I'm not your bitch and I have other stuff to do right now.

Steadfast, fellow nerds.  

Now go have a salad (with a shitload of dressing on it because if you're like me you have a gag-reflex with lettuce).