Oh, So THAT'S What Happened....

So "The Luckiest Man in Hollywood" goes on The Ellen Show the other day and----

Hmm?

Why, Seth Rogen of course.  

Yeah yeah yeah, he's a pretty good writer.  Doesn't mean he should act in the stuff he writes.  Tarantino's a genius but that doesn't mean he should've played Richie Gecko.

So anyway, instead of plugging his new movie The Green Hornet, Rogen chose to devote a large part of his trip to The Ellen Show towards making fun of George Lucas, which is an activity that in many circles has replaced talking politics, asking about one another's day, movie night, and yes---even plugging a multi-million dollar trainwreck of a movie.  It's a fucking blast, because the plaid-clad retard makes himself a very easy target, yet it's not "evil" like picking on a real retard because the bastard's rich, and he genuinely believes he is still the genius he was in 1982. 

"The next Indy should take place in space...."

That's what makes it fun.  It's kinda the same principle that makes it fun to see Aaron Rodgers get his head taken off. 

So apparently Rogen was at a meeting of Hollywood big-wigs recently, and got the chance to sit down with both George Lucas and Steven Spielberg---which 25 years ago would've made me splooge in my pants, but today would prompt me to toss more questions than praise:

"What kind of drugs did you have Ford on when he agreed to Crystal Skull?"

 

Long story short, Lucas spends the entire time of their visit talking about how the world will end in 2012.  According to Rogen, the man truly believes this beyond the shadow of a doubt:

“George Lucas sits down and seriously proceeds to talk for around 25 minutes about how he thinks the world is gonna end in the year 2012, like, for real. He thinks it. He’s going on about the tectonic plates and all the time Spielberg is, like, rolling his eyes, like, ’My nerdy friend won’t shut up, I’m sorry'… I first thought he (Lucas) was joking… and then I totally realized he was serious and then I started thinking, ’If you’re George Lucas and you actually think the world is gonna end in a year, there’s no way you haven’t built a spaceship for yourself… So I asked him… ’Can I have a seat on it?’ He claimed he didn’t have a spaceship, but there’s no doubt there’s a Millennium Falcon in a garage somewhere with a pilot just waiting to go… It’s gonna be him and Steven Spielberg and I’ll be blown up like the rest of us.”

(read the full story here)

Now when The Bearded One heard this...it was actually a bit of a relief.  After all, this finally explains just what exactly has happened to Star Wars.  

Why the Prequel Trilogy's plot made zero sense.

Why the Prequels felt rushed and the stories conflicted with everything else he had ever established.  

Why we have idiot hack writers in the "Expanded Universe" being granted permission to throw anything they want into the Star Wars timeline and have it deemed as "canon" by The Plaided One.  

"Even non-Nazis agree:  I should be burned!"

Why shitty video games are being given the permission to completely rewrite the origins of the original Star Wars movies by having some douchebag hack character start the Rebel Alliance, and by having the same douchebag hack move Star Destroyers with his Jedi powers when it took Yoda everything he had to lift a fucking X-Wing out of the mud in Empire.

"The green bar shows how much I suck."

And why we have a shitty animated series on Cartoon Network attempting to provide all of the action and excitement that the new films failed to offer....

It's more than obvious now that Lucas has been rushing all of this shit out, ready or not, since 1999 because he plans on milking Star Wars for everything it's worth and then bailing off of it and into the confines of his Biblical ark, or spaceship, or bunker, or douche-dome, or whatever at the very last second before the entire world's population is destroyed in 2012, and then presumably there will be no one left standing around to point at this contrived abortion called Star Wars and ask him,

"What'd you DO, Richard?"

And not only does this anecdote provide another interesting argument for the case that "after great wealth and power always comes insanity," but it finally explains why the bastard chose to take something he was once so passionate about, yank it's pants down, and then sodomize it violently in front of God and everyone.  

As if this generation of kids would admire a public sodomizing as much as my generation admired the Original Star Wars Trilogy.

(P.S.---they don't.)

The intriguing thing about the 2012 Doomsday Theory is that none of us will really know until 2013 whether or not it was true.  But let's say the vast and more sane majority of us are right, and we all survive...... 

At the very least, I will expect a fucking apology from George Lucas.