Have you met Brett Keisel's beard?
It's gotten so long and beautiful that it's more like the hair on one's head than actual facial hair. And despite the fact that the Pittsburgh Steelers have a chubby rapist as their quarterback whom I have actively despised for this entire year, I now find myself leaning more toward rooting for them in the Super Bowl.
That's one powerful beard.
A beard which is so wholesome and pure, it almost absorbs the stain of a fat goat quarterback who refuses to understand what "no" means after three beers at the club.
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| Ben Roethlisberger |
A beard which is so masculine and admirable that it can outshine the incessant stammering and dirty conduct of a cocky little gnome bitch receiver like Hines Ward.
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| Hines Ward |
A beard which embodies the wholesome blue-collar heritage of the Pittsburgh Steelers, the town, and their fans.
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| old-school Bradshaw |
A beard which is such a mighty warrior on the battlefield, that it makes one realize how boring it would be to root for the other team's quarterback, because after all...he is already his own biggest fan.
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| Aaron Rodgers |
To top it all off, some of the other Steelers players have started growing beards in honor of Keisel's magnificent 8th Wonder of the World. So during NFL Network's media day coverage, I got to watch Deion Sanders run around mocking everyone's facial hair while dressed in a giant cartoon pimp's suit.
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| "Urrn!" |
What a strange yet fascinating culture we've morphed into.
So The Bearded One stands corrected...I will be watching Super Bowl XLV...though there are but two people I will be rooting for:
Brett Keisel:
and Brett Keisel's Beard:
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